Admission Part 2

I was admitted to HUSM. A series of admissions. Hate, hate.

For four days. Four not-so-miserable days. I had Iris taken care by my parents; and Firdausku Sorang to take care of me. That was more than enough.

I still bleed the blood clot the size of my palm. It was scary the time the clot tried to get out from my body, fret it would be my baby's little legs. Even peeing wasn't a simple act anymore.

This time, they knew the cause.

They explained. It IS cervical erosion. I heard they talked to each other "See, very bad erosion". As if I don't know what bad means.

They explained. It is cervical erosion and the causes are obvious: pregnancy hormonal change; trauma which I understood as seks ganas; and cervical cancer. I hope it was prior to the first cause, since it was way too far from the second cause, and I pray that it wasn't due to the third cause. But still they have to rule out everything and the Pap Smear should be done.

The Pap Smear. The word. Fear.

"All great people diagnosed with cancer"-me. But I'm not great.

I'll get the result in two months' times. For they don't want me to worry over it.

Who said I'm not worried? I cried and started to have bad thoughts. Firdausku Sorang married to another thing and that thing would hug and kiss Iris and her brother. Stupid.

For this time, I didn't lie.

I feared the risks.

I love that doctor. I will always do.

I didn't sign any from. Got into the car, and went home.

With no blood clot.

But with that crucial result of that fear word.

I'm waiting, docs.